It’s that time of year. Engagement announcements are filling your social media feeds. Everywhere you look someone new is getting engaged. Like any good friend does, you congratulate them immediately and take an interest in their big day.
While I know your questions are coming from a place of excitement, there are a few questions you should avoid asking any engaged couple.
When’s the big day? In all likelihood, if you’re seeing this announcement on social media, it just happened. They haven’t had time to think through the details and won’t know a firm date until they secure a venue. Additionally, many couples today try to avoid announcing their official date on social media to prevent the dreaded question to follow.
Am I invited? You should also avoid making any kind of statements about being excited to attend (implying you’ll be invited). You don’t know what kind of plans the couple has or will be making or if the budget they’re working with will allow them to invite a large group. Asking puts the couple in an awkward position.
When will you start having kids? Hold the phone just a minute. Let the couple get married or at least enjoy their reception before you inquiring about kids. In all honesty, it’s an awkward question to get, even if the couple has been married awhile. You don’t know if they’re struggling with fertility, choosing not to have children all together, or are just busy enjoying life as a twosome for now. Allow the couple to breach the conversation of children if and when they’re ready.
Anything budget related. That’s obviously not a question, but it’s a big no no to ask the couple anything about the budget they’re working with. Unless they volunteer the information or breach the subject, avoid budgetary questions all together.
Withhold all opinions. Again, not a question – but, unless you are an active member of their planning party (generally the couple and the hosts), try not to overshare your thoughts and opinions about how a wedding should look or be run with a couple. If the bride wants to drop down from the ceiling like Beyonce then that’s her prerogative. Unless someone is asking for your opinion, be supportive. And, even if they do ask for your opinion, share constructive, thoughtful opinions and try not to tear the couple down. Trust me, they are getting opinions from every other person they know and would probably really appreciate someone listening to their ideas and telling them it sounds wonderful!