If you’ve spent any amount of time scrolling through Pinterest looking for wedding inspiration, you’ve probably seen hundreds of cute ideas for popping the question to your favorite ladies. Between glittered bottles of champagne, curated gift boxes and customized accessories, the options are endless.

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However, before creating a unique and special ask for each of your girls, there are a few dos and don’ts you need to be aware of first.

Do make it personal. In a wedding party ask, personalization is key and I’m not referring to monograming their initials on a trinket. Personalize the ask to each person and make it reflective of their likes and your relationship.

Don’t feel the need to go all out. You don’t have to have an elaborate ask. A nice card or even a phone call will do the trick. Trust me when I say that your friends will be honored to stand by your side regardless of how you ask them. And, if they say no because there wasn’t a great gift to go along with it, then they aren’t the type of person you want in your wedding party.

Do set the expectations. No matter how you choose to ask your friends to be a part of your wedding, you’ll want to set the expectations for going forward at this point. Letting them know you need them to be present at all events, pay for certain items, or assist with planning at the beginning allows them to politely decline at the beginning if they schedule or budget doesn’t permit. Doing this at the beginning will save you both a lot of stress and heartache down the line.

Don’t send useless crap. Yep. I said it. Most wedding party asks I’ve seen are full of small trinket like items that more than likely end up in the trash. As I mentioned above, you shouldn’t feel the need to go all out because that’s what you see on Pinterest. Including items just to have more “things” in the box is a waste of your valuable budget dollars.

Do give them all the information upfront. Just like you shouldn’t send save the dates until you have a venue booked and date secured, you shouldn’t ask your wedding party until you do either. Having this information up front will prevent them from having to back out down the line if they had an existing conflict they can’t back out of.

How did you ask your wedding party to be a part of the big day?